


He Is Not The Sun

by TGITFangirl (SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune)



Series: He is Not The Sun (or, The Sexy Single Ladies of TGIT) [1]
Category: Grey's Anatomy
Genre: F/M, Gen, Long Live Feedback Comment Project
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-24
Updated: 2018-03-24
Packaged: 2019-04-07 12:00:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14080458
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMillenium_QueenNeptune/pseuds/TGITFangirl
Summary: "He may be dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are the sun." That's what Cristina told her. But Derek Shepard was Meredith Grey-Shepard's sun. So, when he was eclipsed, she moved on in darkness. And she decided she liked it.





	He Is Not The Sun

**Author's Note:**

> Fair warning. I am evil. I always wanted to see Meredith as a single, badass woman, so this fic is a realization of that dream. May be a series of one shots with all the major women of TGIT eventually but for now, just this one.

As she drives, all Meredith can do is remember. The memories flood her mind, unbidden. She doesn’t want this, doesn’t want to say it, doesn’t want to think about it, doesn’t want to concede it. She doesn’t want to make it real. If she says it, it makes it real. It cannot be real. She doesn’t want to remember meeting him as an intern. She doesn’t want to think about the drinks, or the random sex with the handsome stranger who she later found out was her superior. She doesn’t want to fall in love with him all over again, with every memory.

 _He’ll be fine. He’s Derek motherfucking Shepard. He’s survived so much worse. So much worse._ , she thinks, telling herself it has to be true. Not because it is, but because if it isn’t, her whole world is shattered and the idyllic life she’s built for herself is gone. Broken and crushed. But she can’t do that, won’t do that, refuses to allow it. Her mind spins and she feels her body ache. She realizes that she has to say it aloud. All that comes to her mind is that Derek is hurt. She can’t accept worse. Even if there is a chance. She cannot, will not, become her mother. All the memories are driving her crazy and, dear God, there must be a way to shut them off! Because if it is over, then it’s over, and there’s nothing she can do. She can’t save him. As much as it hurts, she can’t save him.

Now here she is, driving to a hospital that is not the one she knows. Where she knows they would take care of him, where she is sure he would be fine, and--. The world stops for a moment. What if she loses him? The thought is enough to knock her metaphorically flat on her back. The words won’t form. Then she gets to the hospital and the words fly past her. Terms she understands, ones she's heard a thousand times before, ones she knows are not good. She can tell that she has nothing to be angry about and yet she is. It all comes back to her. The late nights, the lies, the fight, the shattered frame of the post-it on the wall. The mistake that cost her the one thing that meant the most to her. 

She runs outside the hospital and everything comes up in a heap. She's sick as she flashes back to the memory of her childhood, and it hits her.  He really was her sun. And now, Meredith Grey-Shepard is left in darkness. Because in a twist of tragedy, her sun is  _gone._ She's alone in darkness.  She wants to blame the hospital, blame the doctors, blame their lack of training, blame the damned EMT's for not taking him to her hospital, their hospital where he might've been properly treated, might've had a chance, might've lived.  But she doesn't have time for "might have" anymore. Not now.  Because the only man she's ever loved is gone, and she's on her own, and she wants someone to hold her, to cry, to tell her she'll be okay.   
  
She takes the kids and flees. Moves to California, and settles in San Diego,  tries to move on. She realizes Cristina told her the truth. 

" 'He may be dreamy, but he is not the sun.'" Because if he were, she couldn't go on  without him. But she is, she has. And that's why she comes back. Because she realizes that she is the sun. And she cannot let anyone outshine her. So she stays alone, happily becomes the widow Shepard. Because she knows he is not the sun. And she is. And she is enough. 


End file.
